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Do we dream too big?

A while ago, I was talking about the future and what it'll bring to us, to me. Read the full article here.

I had an opportunity, but for various reasons, I decided to give up on it, and continue where I'm at the moment. To be honest, I wasn't sure that was the right choice, but then this other thing came a few weeks back, and it was like a sign - this, this is what you've been waiting for. So, after a couple of weeks of preparations, today was the big day. Today I went to the job interview.

I did it a couple of times before, but never one as serious as the one I had today. Casting to be a part of Emirates Cabin Crew aka to be a flight attendant.

Everybody has been telling me for a while now that this one would be a perfect job for me. I love to travel, and being in a plane as it rises to the everlasting sky gives me rush like nothing else can. Even though let's be honest, it's hard to work with people, I prefer doing that than sitting all day long in front of the computer from 8 AM to 4 PM, or in my case 7 AM to 3 PM. I love meeting new people, new cultures and languages. I studied languages in college. I speak fluently English and Spanish and know bits and pieces of a few more, so this job would also give me a chance to put my knowledge to practice. I love trying new cuisines and just exploring this world of ours. To see there is something better, bigger and greater than me out there. 

In the end, I didn't get the job.

It may seem like a calm thought. I didn't get it and now I'm moving on. And maybe I am calm, but it's one of those quiet calms before the storm. Or so it seems.

I wouldn't say there is a particular reason that I can pinpoint for what I did not to pass the first round (if you know anything about Emirates, you might know there are a few rounds in the casting process and elimination after every round). I did everything by the book. I updated my CV, double-checked for every grammatical mistake, did the pictures the way they requested on their page. I dressed the part - full business look with the knee-long black dress, jacket, closed shoes, and nylons/leggings. My hair was up in a low bun and I had full makeup with Emirates red lipstick.

So what went wrong?
*if you're not interested in the process of becoming cabin crew, skip the next few paragraphs?*

I seriously don't know. The first part consists of a presentation about Dubai and what it takes to be a part of the cabin crew - most of the information that you can find on their webpage and information I was already familiar with since I took time to research the company, position and what to expect on the open day.

The recruiter was pleasant, but I could feel something off about her. She said she's with the company for 14 years, but in my opinion, she didn't look the part they try to portrait on their page. Her hair is middle-length, kind of touching her shoulders, but she didn't pin it up like they usually do. She didn't wear a lot of makeup and the trademark red lipstick was nowhere in sight. She wore pants (they request skirts or dresses) and her jacket was open. She was alone for some reason (usually there are two of them) and it felt to me like she didn't want to do it so she cut out most of the people from the start. There were approximately 250-300 people and maybe 50-70 got through to the second round (out of 4 or 5 rounds).

So yeah, only 1/5 of people got through.

*end of cabin crew process*

I would lie if I say I wasn't disappointed because I am. But maybe that's the whole problem. I wanted this. I wanted this bad. So bad I could feel it, taste it. I started dreaming before I was meant to and maybe that's the reason why.

When you want something so bad, things usually don't go the way you planned them to and you end up disappointed.

When I talked to people in the last few weeks, I hinted I'll be auditioning, and they were like "Oh, I know this XY-someone who works for Emirates!" and I started hoping, hoping I'll get this job and live this amazing life as a flight attendant, traveling around the world, meeting new people and just enjoying my life. I started thinking that because all these other people got the job, I could do it too. I'm nothing less pretty, or smart or capable.

And now I can't stop thinking, can't stop wondering, although I know it's pointless if I did something wrong. If I'm lacking in some way. Am I too short? Am I too fat? Are my thighs too big? Is my face to pale? Or my smile too common? Is my accent so bad?

I might seem like I'm okay with it on the outside, and partly I am. It's better that I got rejected from the start than that I passed another round or two of the casting only to be rejected then. But I can't stop those questions from rolling in my mind. Am I this or that? What if ...?

What if I passed the first round? What if I got the job? What now?

What now?!

This has been a center of my attention for a while, so much I couldn't concentrate on much else. So now I have to figure what to do next.

Well, in part I know what I'll do. I'll sit down and finish the book I've been reading to give my brain time to relax and just breathe. Then I'll start planning. My next book has been written for a while. I just had to plan everything regarding the release which I've been putting off since I didn't know will I get this job and how my life will look like in the next couple of months. As it turns out I'll be living my same old boring life which means, the new book is coming by the end of the year!

I love writing. It's my dream job, don't get me wrong. But writing in the stage I'm now, being a published author for a year, still finding her way and readers, is hard. There is no way of living off of it so a day job is a necessity. And having a job that you love to do, having a chance to travel the world, would make my life and writing that much richer in the future. It would give me experiences only a few know and have lived that later on, I could introduce in my future books.

But even without it, I'll keep writing. Keep fighting for my dream.

And when everything else is done, then I'll write. Not some long-ass boring post about my feelings and thoughts. I'll go back to doing what I love to do the most - creating. Creating people and stories that I've missed so much, but my mind couldn't concentrate enough to give it a full attention.

Oh, and I'll travel. I'm going to Belgium to visit my friend. Hopefully, the time off will give me the rest I need to come back relaxed and recharged for everything the future will bring. And although not as a flight attendant, I'll be able to reach the sky and feel the rush in my veins as the plane takes off toward a new adventure.

Will I try out for Emirates again?

I'm not sure. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Either way, if there is a next time I'm keeping it to myself. If there is a next time, I'll not put everything into it, hoping it'll give me something more.

Because I'm more. I'm worthy and I'm beautiful. Maybe the recruiter didn't see it today, but that doesn't mean it's less true. They are the ones who lost today, not me. Remember that. If something similar has happened or will happen to you in the future, remember not to question yourself. Today I did the best I could. Presented the best version of myself. I gave it my all. If they didn't see it, well, their loss.

I'll not let it question me. Or break me. Or stop me from dreaming because as one dream ends the new one begins. That is if you keep dreaming... 

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